.. ma’am. You carry on and have a nice day. Drive carefully.” I think he just wanted her to shut up. Even I felt beaten down by the non-stop torrent of vaguely-Essex-like chatter. She buckled up her seatbelt again.“Well, I never! The cheek of it! I fought you wanted to see me passport,” she called out to the officer in an aggrieved tone as I accelerated gently away, leaving the man shaking his head and trudging back to his car.“What the fuck just happened?” I asked after a few long, tense moments as I watched the police car in my rearview mirror, while simultaneously trying to watch the road ahead and not stare at her in astonishment at the same time.She began to giggle, and then came that laugh that sent out an all-points alert to Mr. Happy once again.“Where did that awful train smash come from,” I said, smiling helplessly. “Did you hit your head?”“I thought it was bloody good, like,” she said. Oh my god! She had gone from a bad caricature of an Essex girl, to a 1950’s East End. Who was going to help me get ready? Well, no one.All week, the girls had made a big thing about it being a Rachel and Jacob weekend. God! That sounds so biblical. But every day, the two of us sat together on one side of the table with Beca, Joan, and Desi sitting on the opposite side.“Oh, God! You two are going to do it this weekend, aren’t you!” Desi burst out when Rachel and I kissed on Valentine’s Day. I started to protest and Rachel put a finger to my lips.“You won’t know until Monday, will you,” she teased Desi.“Oh. It’s so unfair. I don’t want to even go all the way yet. I just want to fuck him.”“Girl, you need to look up some definitions in the Urban Dictionary,” Joan said. “How are you going to fuck him without going all the way?”“I know,” Desi whined. “I know what I said. It’s just ... that’s the way I feel.”“We’re going to go see that movie again tonight,” Beca said. “This time we’re going to watch the movie instead of you guys making out. Got it?”“No,” Joan laughed. “Des.
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